Toothache. Harumph.

Have you ever had a toothache? The pain filling that one side of your head, throbbing constantly. It puts you in a state of dormancy. Any activity you do causes your heart rate to increase, making the throbbing even worse. Walking, running, bike rides, even standing sucks. It is a big pile of suckiness.



Now I've had my own collection of serious injuries and pain. Broken collarbones, stitches, 2nd degree burns, the usual fun, and I've been strong and able to survive and participate in life with these setbacks. Hell, I went to Canada's Wonderland 3 days after having 4 wisdom teeth pulled. I DROVE THERE FOR GODS SAKE!! However, having tooth pain trumps all of it. It takes over your entire head, makes you unable to speak, eat, be a person. I've been sent home from work, been unable to be social, I can't even be a girl and cry because that just makes the pain worse!

Currently I am medicated just enough to take care of myself and not be paralyzed, but stoned enough that I probably shouldn't operate complicated machinery. I have a root canal booked for Tuesday, and I can't wait for it to be all over.

I'm usually in full-on anxiety mode for the dentist, but the fact that I have become a lump of my former self makes me want this done already. My inability to exist socially, my dependence on prescription drugs just to get out of bed, it's insane and ridiculous! I just want this over and done with and to get back to my life!!

Until then, I am stuck on the couch watching '17 Again' (good god.) thinking of what I can eat that won't double me over in pain. Until then, I will wait patiently until I have this over with and I can talk about something that ISN'T my toothache and my many drug-induced hallucinations.

I'm sure everyone else is excited for this to be over too. I know I'm sick of my own complaining, so I can only imagine how everyone else is dealing with me.


Blurg. So over this. Let it be Tuesday now please.


-janeovision

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Woe is me? Pfft. Have a cupcake.

The Internet has been bothering me lately-wait, scratch that- my peers on the Internet have been bothering me lately.

This has been a pretty awesome summer so far. Ups and downs, yes, but overall it's been fun and exciting and full of adventure and good times. However, I've noticed that there have been a few Debbie downers flooding my usual social media. A wave of woe-is-me and I'm-angry-at-the-outside-world, topped off with the proud-asshole types. Frankly, I read these posts (I've started skimming over them for my own sanity) and I want to grab a 2x4 and start swinging.

YOUR LIFE IS NOT THAT HORRIBLE!!

How did emo maintain it's popularity? How was it even popular in the first place?? This behavior of negativity out there is what is sucking all of is dry. Sure, bad days happen. We all have them, and we all post something or other online as a way of therapy and release from the frustration. After all, a monthly data phone bill is usually cheaper than a bi-weekly therapist.

At the same time, though, I like my social media as an outlet for information, sharing news, politics, current events, hell, even the occasional viral video of kitties and guys tripping balls on rainbows in the sky!! I bitch and complain too, but I realize that there are people out there listening. And listening to a crying cat, after a while, makes you want to walk away from the cat forever, or shoot it, just to put it out of it's misery.

One of my (many) theories in life is that you get back what you send out. Send out the good, get back the good. But if you are constantly sending out bad vibes and being a negative Nancy, you have no right to complain about the shit that gets thrown back in your face. If your life is that horrible, find whatever is stirring the pot and change it! Maybe it's the company you keep, maybe it's the lifestyle you lead, maybe it's the environment. Or maybe it's just a bad day. Fact is, there are other days and better days. Take a breath. Look forward to the days to come.

Oh yea, and quit being a bitch and an asshole. That's not a quality to be proud of. It gets old and you'll realize it too late when your friends have become tired of your BS.

Rant ended.

-janeovision


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Life

It's funny sometimes.

From shitty work days (and nights) to late night pool hopping and park hangouts.

Every day has a new adventure, challenge, chaos, love, loss, joy and rage.

It seems that every day has been bouncing from one side of the spectrum to the other. Highs and lows every day. Sometimes I hate it and am ready to throw in the towel and start swinging at everything. But it's good to remember those other days and those highs that happen too.

Lazy days make me occasionally pensive, although today's a pretty general pensive moment.

Can't win 'em all, I guess.

-janeovision



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Mmhmm

I love those kisses where when after you walk away you touch your lips just to keep that moment close. Just to yourself.

-Janeovision


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Interning blog-hurry up and wait...

Hurry up and wait.

I've worked in the theatre world for a while now - 6 years semi professionally and 15 years through my lifetime on and off in tutus and school plays - and there seems to be this constant pattern:

HURRY UP AND WAIT!!

You must be on your toes and ready to do anything at a moments notice, but you may or may not have to wait impatiently and anxiously until you are called. It could be theatre, dance, film, or production, but you better be ready at a moments notice after those 14 hours to work your little tushie off.

You'd think, in the rest of the world, that must be different. You think, " I've been conditioned to this because this is the world I'm in. The rest of the world has it so differently, so much easier!"

Um...nope.

Throughout this internship, I am sending emails and hunting down people and making countless phone calls. And then I wait. I wait for a response. I wait for people to show up. I wait for my phone to ring. I wait. And I wait. And I wait...

And then I go into meetings feeling unprepared because I am in limbo because of everyone else. And I hate feeling unprepared. For anything!

This is the job that you assume that, of course that person is up at 4am checking their email with baited breath, dying to respond to me wih positive news, progress for our project, and finalizations on contracts so that I can sleep. Because the doors only open in 2 weeks (holy crap!!) and my mild case of OCD is making my insomnia that much more fun, and I am trying to be successful at what could be my future career...

Yea... No biggie.

But, of course, this is what I thrive on. I love the stress and chaos before the big show. After all, isn't that what makes the show worth it in the end? I certainly hope so, because my beer is empty and blind optimism is one hell of a buzz.

Oh the life of an intern...


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lookie loo!

lookie loo!!!

just about to crack this puppy open and dive into the radiohead thought process… the lineup at yonge and dundas square was crazy too! they were at the YDS then moved across the street in front of the H&M… the line was massive each time. lots of fans out there ready to read.

nice to know press is not dead when you have the right thing behind it… that is, a huge band that has an endless fanbase always ready to grab the newest rare paraphernalia.

Enjoy, radiohead fans!

-janeovision

Omnomnom... A series. 1. Rosemary Flatbread

So today I spent my day in jeans and a bra and a kitchen. I went on a hard core cooking spree with what I had in my fridge and what I had been planning to cook for a while now.

As I was walking around, barefoot and covered in flour, butter, and cream (yes, please enjoy that mental image-don't forget the bra) that I love cooking like this! When I have days off from serving nouveau-riche, holier-than-thou dummies at my current serving gig, I like to cook some nice meals for myself! Open a bottle of wine, sear chicken, stew potatoes, create roasts, and maybe even put some of that wine in the food!!

Since I'm blogging more these days, and I'm trying to make this a regular thing for my own mental stimulation, I'm going to have a foodie series in this chaos that I call a blog.

So!! Let's start this thing!!

Rosemary Flatbread with Garlic Butter, Cheese, and Vegetables

Difficulty rating: Omnomnom (outof a 5 noms)

Flatbread Ingredients
3c flour + flour for dusting and kneading
2-3tsp Rosemary, fresh or dry
1tsp salt
1tbsp olive oil
1 1/4c water
1/4-1/2c Parmesan

Topping Ingredients
Diced tomatoes or grilled cherry tomatoes, cut in quarters, or sundried tomatoes, if you want to go fancy
Fresh or grilled peppers
Crisp red onion (mostly for colour, and taste obv.)
1tbsp butter, melted
1/2-1 tsp minced garlic
Cheese, grated (cheddar, marble, Zamarano, feta, whatever floats your boat)

Blend together all ingredients until it makes a dough. If you find it's not completely blending, add more water, 1tsp at a time, but remember, less is more. Once it's collected, knead the dough on a floured surface until smooth and not lumpy (5ish minutes) then put the dough in a well oiled bowl and let sit for 30-40 minutes.

While this is setting, this will give you time to prepare the cheese and veggies! Obviously you can add any vegetables you wish, and prepare them anyway you wish.

After the bread has set, knead the bread again and blend in the parmesean. Then divide the dough into 8 even pieces. Grab one piece and divide that in half as well. Knead both pieces of dough to a 5" round, give or take. I made the bread smaller for my own preferences, making 16 rounds, but 8 works just as well.

Have a large skillet ready, at medium heat. You'll know it's hot enough when you drop a spot of water and it boils instantly. Toss on your rounds and let cook a few minutes on each side. Let it brown and bubble and then flip. The longer they cook the tougher they are.

Make your garlic butter, toss on your toppings and cheese and melt in the oven.




Take it out and eat.
Don't burn your tongue.

The bread alone is pretty good, and the parmesean is optional for you vegans. Oh and for you meat eaters? why not add bacon, proscuitto or grilled chicken? It's great on it's own as a dipping bread with some saucy meal. I just had no interest in sauce. I wanted garlic and butter. The veggies were cosmic balance.




Try it out and tell me what you think.


pretty good for basic ingredients...


-janeovision



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Let your senses guide you...

Senses

Have you ever walked into a room and suddenly become flushed with emotion because the dude who just walked past you smelled like your ex? Have you purchased a vintage sweater and notice it has the same flower perfume still on it that's just like the one your grandma used to wear? What about the smell of sweat and leather that immediately brings you back to your dancing days, hours of practice in the studio before the first time you step on stage?

It amazes me how the senses, specifically the sense of smell, can trigger memories that you may have forgotten, overlooked, or even locked away. And each smell is like a fingerprint. To one person, it may just be the smell of fresh-cut lumber, but to you it's that time you helped your dad build that project together and when he taught you how to properly use a hammer. Just from smelling something!!!

The other day I was going through my books. Just looking through my modest collection and looking for something to read. I cracked open an old book and I was instantly brought back to the days I would go to the library with my brother and my friend. We'd read Garfield comics, sweet valley high books and R.L. Stine books, bringing home piles upon piles of books every day. I was maybe 7 or 8 when I did this. I hadn't thought of this in ages! I was the cutest nerd ever reading terrible books, but the smell of books brought me back to this!! That's pretty cool!

This post doesn't really have much of a conclusion besides... Go smell some shit. Seriously. Go through old stuff - sports gear, books, stuffed animals, clothes - and see what memories are sparked. It's nice to take a break and remember stuff in a non-conventional manner... It's weird, but it actually makes the memory more meaningful!

Go try it! Stop and smell the roses... And sneakers... And books... And whatever else thatyour can get your hands on that may spark a memory. It's nice to step back and remember... And maybe forget the crap you're dealing with right now.

Take a moment to remember what you forgot so you can forget. If only for a moment.

-janeovision


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This is going to hurt.

This is going to hurt.

Oh valentines day. The day where people are forced to prove their love to their partner because the holiday says so and you look like a complete turd if you don't. It's also the day where those single folks either sulk in their own assumed lonliness or reject the holiday completely, because, well who needs love anyways.

I look at this holiday somewhat differently.

I'm a single gal. I have been for a while now, and I'm beyond ok with this. It's not that I'm against love or relationships, but I haven't found anything and I tend to be careful of my heart. What's the rush anyways? To me this holiday is not about being in a relationship or being single, it's about love.

Love is a fucked up thing. I don't beat around the bush, it is. But that's what makes it so wonderful and powerful. This emotion rips you apart and throws you around like a ragdoll. It tears your insides out and hollows you out, an empty shell of your former self. Now this all seems pretty terrible. Why would you subject yourself to such masochism? Well there's also the other half of love. The part that makes you weak and stupid. The part that makes you numb to everyone else but the person you can't quit thinking about. You're goofy, passionate, illogical and make poor decisions and more of a fool of yourself than drugs and alcohol can do to you.

Wait... That's better?!?!

Like I said, love is pretty fucked up.


Love is a messed up thing. But that's what love is. Love is the biggest challenge and biggest risk you will ever take in your life. People don't realize the danger and the leap that you are terrified to take. It's the biggest terror you will ever take. It's the most ballsy thing you will ever bring on in your life. With love, only the strong will survive. Love is something the cowards cannot handle. With love, go big or go home.

So with these challenges, why even try love? Well, why the hell not?!?!! Love is the best risk you'll ever make. And you know what? A lot of the time you're gonna fail. And you're gonna fail hard. The hardest part of love is getting back ip again and keeping the armour off and letting yourself fall on that blade again.

Love is not for the weak. Even when it's family or friends. Love is never an easy task. But I love the concept of love because it's the greatest battle I will ever fight. And I'm ready to fight it.

Bring it on love, do your best, do your worst.

-janeovision



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Quit incepting my head, Leo!!

Zzz

In the past few weeks I've been having some very bizarre dreams. Some make little sense and I remember very little, while others seem so real, I am having more and more difficulty defining dream world and reality.

Some of the more bizarre dreams include drives for dairy queen and run-ins with Charlie Sheen, a paper box lid full of blow and a disapproving Asian child. These dreams are confusing but generally it's understood that they are obviously a dream. I mean, even Charlie is classy enough to keep his cocaine in a suitcase!

But then there are the other dreams. The dreams where I move my furniture around in my room and wake up confused to why it was 'put back'. The dreams where I have fights with people about nothing and can't remember why or if it happened. The dreams where I quit my job and don't look back, but I still have to be there (in reality) in 4 hours. The dreams that I see a family member die and have to check that they're still alive. The dreams where I tell people my secrets, the deep dark ones, and when I wake up I have to test them to see if it actually happened.

Is Leonardo trying to get into my dreams, but disguised as Charlie Sheen?Each dream is becoming more and more vivid, I feel I may be losing my grip slightly. I have to collect myself and check everything to see it's reality and what I dreamt didn't actually happen. I have to tiptoe around myself to ensure I can understand reality, as not compromise myself to what I thought was reality but was really a dream.

Ugh.

I really just need a good nights sleep.

-janeovision


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Yea you're my friend but...

Yea you're my friend, but...

In past month or so, there has been some personal drama stirring around. Not mine, but friends. This personal issue has been quite explosive. It has torn a friendship in two, causing a jets vs the sharks rivalry, and the local bar is the school dance. Let the angry choreography and finger snaps break out...

Through all of this, I have tried to be Switzerland; be the neutral party. Hear both sides and not try to sway one way or the other. In the recent days however, I have come to realize that this is impossible. How could I possibly be perfectly neutral? One person was able to tell their story to me first. I have had my own personal biases from the beginning, and have had a different past with all parties involved. And dammit, I am a woman with an opinion. The only way I could actually be neutral were to be if I was a) a robot, or b) Svetlana from Lithuania who couldn't understand a damn word they were saying anyways!

But I still try. I try to be kind, pleasant, and civil to everyone, try not to be rude, keep things to myself when it comes to outsiders, and overrall be mature and respectful of each party to keep things as peaceful and civil as possible.

But there have been problems that have risen through this dispute. Friends. Friends that, although they have the best intentions, seem to be taking on the dispute of the initial party and taking it on themselves, fueling the fire and stirring the pot. I'm a huge supporter of friendship and loyalty - really what is friendship without loyalty - but here comes a time when you, as the friend trying to defend the honour of your best, have to step back, wipe your hands clean and let the people in the front lines duke it out on their own.

It's like Sarah in the Labryinth (and no, I will not stop using pop culture metaphors, so get used to it). She had to face Jareth alone. Although all her friends wanted to help, it was her personal battle, and they all had to realize this for her to win.

Wait? Did she win? I mean, yea, she got her brother back, but other than that and limitless stairs and David Bowie ballads, there wasn't really a battle to be won or lost...hmm... Well. now I'm rambling...

ANYWAYS!

This is a discussion to be had between two people, no one else. A wise friend said to me the other night "it is none of my goddamned business". This was an epiphany moment for me. Yea! It IS none of my business!! Let them duke it out, converse civilly, bare knuckle brawl, whatever they have to do to finally move forward and away from all this personal stress and drama. If anything is to diffuse or settle, they have to do it, but we have to step back and shut the fuck up already.

Oh, and I am fully aware this is a "pot calling the kettle black" thing I'm doing right now. As I am writing this, I'm meddling in some way. No one knows I'm writing this. Yes, I am definitely a hypocrite for writing it, but that's why I'm ending it with this statement:

From this moment on, I am not talking about this. It is none of my goddamned business. I will always be a friend, I will always be there for you. I'm there if you need me, I'll always be there for anything. And if, for whatever reason, we can't be friends, I will always be civil and respectful of you. Other than that, I'm staying out of it and I hope that things will one day be worked out. This anger is exhausting for everyone, and I hope you both find the strength to find peace.

I'm going to shut up now.
Well, about this at least.


Friend rant ended.

-janeovision.


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Sometimes I'm pensive. Other times I'm just really emo.

So lately I've been blogging from my phone. Keeping productive and whatnot. I use my notepad and then paste into the blog app. I learned the hard way that if someone calls you mid-post, you lose everything and the ensues.

I was looking through my notepad and found this little blurb I wrote in my phone when I first got it. I'm pretty sure I wrote this while on the bus to work (commute productivity)

Maybe I'm being pensive and deep. Maybe I was being really emo and annoying. I still haven't figured it out. But I thought I'd post it.

Why the hell not.


"Where do you go, what do you do when your running out of things to keep you where you are?
Do you search for that something, do you search for something to catch you somewhere else? Do you give up? Do you fight? When does it come to the point where you have to give up? Or do you even give up at all, because giving up is the final stage of death?"

Emo or deep? Isn't it the same thing sometimes? Whatever.

-janeovision

2010 had music in it, apparently.

The Annual has come and LONG gone, and of course, I forgot to post my list!!

Here it is, and here's to some amazing music in 2011!

1. Lollypop Dreams - My Sick Uncle

2. The Suburbs - Arcade Fire

3. Odess - Caribou

4. Zebra - Beach House

5. X - Kidstreet

6. If you think you need some lovin -Pomplamoose

7. Beloved - April Smith and The Great Picture Show

8. From Below - Kate Maki

9. I need a dollar - Aloe Black

10. Tighten Up - The Black Keys

11. Bloodbuzz Ohio - The National

12. Dear God 2.0 - The Roots & Monster Folk

13. Four Score and Seven - Titus Andronicus

14. Blue Beard -Band of Horses

15. Carolina -Girls

16. All yr songs - Diamond Rings

17. Fuck you - Ceelo Green

Also, if someone could take out Ke$ha for me, that'd be great.

-janeovision

This sharpie has an eraser, right?

The Internet is a funny thing.

It's this mass bubble of information floating everywhere: above, below, all around. It informs, entertains, harasses, judges, criticizes, taunts, distracts, questions, reacts and so many other things it does to us. It's the gain and the bane of our current existence. The Internet has this overwhelming power to affect us and sway us.

Simple words like "RIP Gordon Lightfoot" can cause such a stir, that the entire world can get into an uproar about one misinformed tweet forcing the bad tweeter to hide because of massive hate-tweets. Teenagers have killed themselves over rumors going viral and destroying their reputation. YouTube fame is the new "15 minutes" with double rainbows and double-dream hands being the talk of the watercooler.

One post, one status update, one tweet can change everything. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. Usually embarrassing.

So, you'd think with the power that the Internet has, throwing your life and your viral world out there like a tshirt bazooka to a football game, people would be a little more apprehensive and hesitant to what they put on the damn thing.

And yet...

People post it. They post their raw emotions in the heat of the moment. In a fit of rage, they post that dick pic their jerk of an exboyfriend sent to them while sexting. They twitpic and tweet that drunken night or drunk girl in the bathroom for everyone can see, making your squeaky clean image as crude as the vomit stains on their keds. The fact of the matter is, the Internet is the skeezy bathroom in the back of the bar. Everyone has a sharpie, and everyone has to take a piss.

What's worse, is that once it's it there. It's out. You can delete it, erase, press undo. It's still there. Like I said. Everyone has to pee.

Someone saw it. Your words have been read, someone has reacted to them and most likely, before you had a chance to press the button, someone has shared it with someone else. And then someone else. And someone else. It's out there whether you like it or not.

I've been the victim. I've tweeted dumb things. I've posted rude things. I've made my status crude and inappropriate. We're all guilty. But I also regret VERY LITTLE of what I put out there. I am perfectly aware of what I say. As horton from "horton hears a who" says, "I say what I mean and I mean what I say."

Watch what you put out there people. Either say it with full conviction and have the balls to accept the full repercussions of your actions, or step back and shut. The fuck. Up.

It's better for all of us this way.

-janeovision


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