When I was in high school, I had a classmate confide in me. He was being bullied by some of the jocks at the school. They were teasing him, calling him names, harassing him in the halls. We had agreed that simply ignoring them wasn't going to work, so, the clever teenager that I was, I suggested throwing it back at them and stand up to them. I suggested phrases to cut them down a peg, clever one-liners to put them in there place.
"And if all else fails, just call them gay!"
The second I said this, I saw his reaction and regretted it. His face fell, sank into the pain that he knew all too well, and immediately I had realized what I had done. I was well aware that my friend was public about his sexuality and was not ashamed or trying to hide it. But in that moment, I was smacked in the face with how deeply words can hurt.
In my high school, we all used words like 'gay' and 'retarded' in the painfully common negative context. I even heard people using 'Jew' in a negative manner. I won't go into the grisly details, but I'm sure you can figure out what came out of the mouthes of babes. And we were never corrected. I do not remember a single time in my high school career where I had a teacher correct or reprimand us. The environment we were raised in turned a deaf ear. It was not until that moment with my friend that the world I was growing up in was wrong.
There are several words that have been banned or considered inappropriate, racist, derogatory, or just plain bad. Words like 'gyp', the N-word, the C-word (depending who you're talking to) are just a few that are now rarely used in common language without full knowledge of the hate and anger behind it. For some of our parents, they had to learn and retrain themselves not to say these words. I myself had to do the same thing. To this day, I still have moments where the wrong word will slip out.
It's been over 10 years since that day I was set straight. 10 years where, in society, the idea of what homosexuality is, how common and normal and accepted it has become, and how it's not weird or creepy or scary, not dangerous or bad, it's just who they are. In my 10 years since this realization has occurred, I have met and become friends with many people, gay and straight, bi, trans, a-sexual and otherwise, and they have been just that: my friends. Their sexuality is their business and we simply respect and love each other as people, and what we do in our personal lives is what we do, and you can enjoy your life. I'll do what I want, you do what you want, just treat me as you would anyone else. I don't care if you're WHATEVER you are, I'll be more pissed off if you're a dick to me than whether you prefer peens over vajays.
All these things have happened. People are proud of who they are, they are being recognized by their government (albeit slowly... California, get your shit together!) and they can celebrate, not only on a pride day/week, but every day.
These things have happened. We have moved forward so much in 10-15 years... But we still use the word 'gay' as an insult?
In the past month or so, I've seen posts online, on various websites including my alma mater (which I will remain nameless. if you know me, you probably already know what school this is) with people DEFENDING their right to use the word 'gay'. I'm sorry, what? You're defending these of a word that is insulting a group of people because you want to cut down your bro? And you think that's ok. You think because its 2013, we've all matured enough and that the use of that word is not insulting this community. I have to ask you, and I'm being completely sincere when I say this: are you new?
What if I see you doing something stupid or acting erratic and I call you a 'popped collar douche bag'? Or you're chickening out of a dare and I yell 'don't be a blonde!' What if you're tired and want to stay in, and I ream you out, calling you a 'lame responsible adult'??* * *. Hell. What if I use the N-word? That's been a long time since slavery, it's got to be ok now, right? After all, there aren't parts of the world where racism is rampant, with crosses being burned on lawns, and white-only proms are still common place.
Sigh.
Let me answer this question for you. I'll repeat it enough that maybe it'll burn into your underdeveloped brain:
No. No no no no. No no. No. NO NO NO. NO. No. No no no no no no no no no. Umm, yea no. No no. N no no. Yea, no. No, absolutely not. No way Jose, nein, niet. Non. Nay nay. No. Wrong. Not at all. Not even a little bit. Wy are you even thinking about it? The answer is no. No. No no no. Not in a million years, not if you paid me. Not in your life. Not in my life. Not on your mothers life. No. NO. Nope. No no no no no no. Why are you still thinking about it? i said no. No. No no no. No. Just no. Stop it, I said no. No. No no no, no no. No. No I said no. No. Nuh uh. No. WHAT DID I JUST SAY? NO!!
I don't care 'how far we've come' or how much society has grown in the last 10, 15, 500 years. It is still not ok. People are still getting the shit kicked out of them because they are holding their partners hand while walking down the street. Innocent people are still getting stabbed and beaten to death at bars because they are being true to themselves. People still can't get married in certain parts of the world because they are not considered a 'legitimate couple' because a 'real marriage is between a man and a wife. Children are being disowned by their parents because they don't fit into their perfect mould. People are being hunted down and killed because they love who they love.
Being different in today's society is not easy. You have to be careful who you love, how you love, and who you tell. Those that have accepted themselves have to fight the entire world to be accepted. They face persecution, assault, legal issues and limitations on their freedom because they don't seem to fit in the mould of their environment. Things have changed a lot, it's true, but it's not done. We still have a long way to go. We have to keep fighting for acceptance and freedoms for every person in the world. We have to push to change the minds of those who think otherwise. We have to work to make it safe for everyone in society. Gay, straight, or otherwise.
When we use the word 'gay' to insult our pals, we don't help anything. By using this word as a negative, we are pushing the stereotype that this way of life is wrong or bad. By using this word to insult people, we are simultaneously insulting our friends, our family, or maybe that kid who is scared to come out to his peers, because who he is is considered an insult on his own life. Using the word 'gay' or 'faggot' is bullying that already nervous teenager and suggesting that their future is not future at all. Your choice of words hurts people. It could lead to someone getting bullied, battle with depression, or worse, your words could lead to the death of someone innocent because you made them feel worthless.
I don't care if you are straight, gay, or something else. This word belongs to no one but the people trying to put others down. This word describes your emotions or your sexual orientation. It does not describe your jackass friend who won't take that last shot at the bar.
Whether its 2013 or 2525, the word 'gay' should not be used to put people down. It's wrong, it's inappropriate, and it makes you look like an ass hat.
Kindly knock it off.
-janeovision
P.s.To my friend in drama class 12 years ago, I'm sorry. I was an ass hat. I'm trying to be better.
* * *let it be said that I know these insults are also not all that appropriate. I'm blonde, I'm sometimes lame and stay in on a
Friday night, and sometimes my collar pops when I'm not paying attention. It doesn't bother me when you call me these things, but it may offend others, so watch your damn mouth, jerk!* * *
