Waving a white flag (from my couch)

When you injure yourself badly enough, you are not just limited physically, but your mental state takes quite a blow.  What's worse, is sometimes the physical and the mental team up, and you are not much more than a blob on the couch, figuring out your timing between now and when you have to pee.

In late November, I had won the lottery for the Toronto Fringe Festival for their 2014 season.  I already had a few notes down for a play idea, and, based on the timeline I had when I wrote my last play, I had more than enough time to create my new show.  When January came around, I didn't have much more written, but I still wasn't concerned.  I have always been one who thrives under pressure, whether it came to deadlines in school, or troubleshooting on site for events and work, I am in my element.  However, by the end of the month, I was in a full leg brace, trapped on the couch and stuck with noting BUT time.

And that's when I became trapped.

There I was, sitting on the couch, leg propped, with a cup of tea and a blank screen and nothing coming to mind. I had no motivation, no inspiration, and no direction.  I could barely decide what to watch on Netflix, let alone brainstorm plot points and dialogue.  The last time I wrote, I had a full work schedule, dealing with stresses of life and otherwise, so I mastered the art of time management.  I would go to the laundromat and write between loads, I would have endless notes in my phone I wrote on my commute to work, I had scribbles in between notepads at work, I would edit pages as I packed boxes for my move.  I even created a scene when I suddenly had to take a trip to Ottawa for a personal matter.  I somehow found the time to write a 60-minute play when my free moments were sparse at best.

When I was sitting there with an endless amount of free time, I had nothing. I had no drive, no spirit, not even any real excitement about being able to write again, because I was still trapped on that couch.  I couldn't go outdoors safely because of the weather, I could barely bathe myself, I was sore, exhausted, and concerned about how badly I had hurt myself.  The one time I did try to go out, I ended up hurting myself further.  I essentially became a bummed out bum with not much else to do but wait.  I know it may sound like I'm whining, but when you're trapped in a basement apartment trying to maneuver  your next bathroom run, it can bring you down.

So, with all this time time and not much writing, I had to come to a very upsetting crossroads: I could try to push through and have a mediocre (at best) show for fringe, not up to my standards, and lose money and (self) respect in the theatre world, or I could drop out of Fringe, getting 50% of my application fee back, and letting another company in that were more prepared and would have a better chance of success. Dropping out, although better in the end, was a huge blow to my confidence.  Even with the pressure, I couldn't pull through and complete my task. I had failed myself.  I had created a goal for myself, one which I had succeeded in before, but this was a first for me in a very long time.

Yesterday I officially sent in my withdrawal to participate in the 2014 Toronto Fringe Festival.  The process was a lot easier than I thought, but the gravity of it has not set in.  It sucks, but it's better this way.  The show I'm working on, even though it isn't close to being a final product, has become something more personal than I thought it would be.  It's something that could be really good, even if only for me. 

Admitting defeat and accepting my own failures is not something I will ever get used to.  I've always been far too stubborn and bull-headed to admit my own limitations.  This time, however, I'm actually  glad I was able to see the big picture.  Sometimes you need to also accept the bullshit that comes into your life.  I was not expecting to hurt myself, and I was not expecting to have these troubles.  But they happened, and I have had to adjust my life and change plans, because, well, shit happens.  You have to take life as it comes, sometimes you can succeed, some times you can't but you definitely can accept the wins and losses as they come to you.  I think this is that 'delicious ambiguity' Gilda was talking about.

Is this that thing people call 'growing up' and 'maturity'? Because it's weird.

-janeovision

Ramblings from a cripple admitting defeat, and accepting help

When I was little, my mum told me that my phrase of choice was one of defiance, usually said behind my pigtails with my arms crossed.

“I can do it myself!”

As soon as I figured out how to French braid, I was always fighting for my independence. I could pick out my own outfits, tie my own shoes,and braid my own hair, even though I had to take breaks and let my arms rest.  Before Beyonce was even wearing training bras, I already had the anthem for independent women down pact.

Fast forward 20-ish years, and I am writing this blog post four weeks into a dislocated kneecap injury, barely able to do stairs, sit properly, or even use the washroom without it being a full event, exhausting and overly dramatic.  Since I injured myself a month ago, I have been stuck, trapped by my own injury.  I've been stuck at home, needed help in and out of bed, been fed, taken care of, and been treated with kid gloves. 

Now being the independent fool that I am, although I was grateful for all the help, I tried to do things myself. I got dressed, figured out how to bathe, and I even ventured out a few times.  Of course this is when the Beyoncé in me gets kicked in the teeth.  I ended up falling down some stairs and hurting my ankle, as well as hurting my knee again (I fell so hard I bent my brace) and putting a really nice dent in my pride. 

After that nightmare, I was quickly swept up by my awesome parents, and taken back to my hometown where I hid away for a few weeks, being fed home cooked meals, watching Disney movies with my nieces, and consistently and comfortably medicated as needed.  Although this sounds awesome to most, I have to admit, this was probably one of the lowest points I have ever hit in my 20-something years on this rock.  I was officially helpless, unable to support myself, take care of myself.  I had officially become more dependant on others than my 18-month old niece, and it  sucked.  

I had gone from paying my own bills, creating art and helping out my friends and peers, to being spun on my head and having others help me.  I didn't like it.  In fact, I still don't like it.  I learned very early, from school, from people I have encountered, and from jobs that I have glad, that if you don't take care of yourself, no one else will.  I am fully aware, especially with the amount of help I have had since I have hurt myself, that this is a load of crap, but it is programmed into my brain.  Along with this, that brief stint in Catholicism in my youth has programmed me to help those around me and to lift them up if they are are down, or need help, in many way possible, because that is the good thing to do.  Basically, I'm a dummy who doesn't know the concept of give and take.  

So, once I got myself into this mess, I didn't really know how to process people offering their help.  My logic was, if you wanted to help me out, my brain immediately believed that I was putting you out of your life and I was now a burden. AND GOD FORBID I WAS BEING HELPED BY SOMEONE ELSE.  My brain couldn't handle it. Of course, any offer I received, I responded with the cordial "thank you for the lovely offer" or "you're too kind, but I should be fine", ignoring the fact that walking further than my couch to the toilet was exhausting and painful.  It wasn't until I was blacking out and vomiting from the pain did I finally concede and allow someone to take care of me.  In the end, it took a very painful stumble down some very painful stairs to knock some sense into me.

I have now been back in my own apartment for a full week, dropped off with clean laundry, a full fridge, and parents comfortable enough to trust that I won't fall down a flight of stairs again.  I have only gone out a few times, and I have been cautious of time, weather, and finances, since all are now huge factors in my life.  Since I've been back, I'm still struggling with the whole 'let people help you' thing.  It's still an incredibly foreign concept to me.  The fact that people are not only being nice to me, but offering their help, friends and strangers alike, is absolutely alien to me.  I have started to accept it slowly, but having someone I have never met before offer their seat on the bus, or let me go ahead of them even though I am obviously slower than them, or offering their help is like watching a baby talk or a hamster strut in a tuxedo (that commercial weirdos me out).

I am still a ways away from being back to my normal self.  I still have physio to start, as well as results to await, finding out if I screwed myself up worse than I thought, and need a scope, or, (bite my tongue) surgery.  Until then, I will take things slowly, and I will learn to accept a hand and say thank you. I will learn to be weak and let someone else be strong for me.  I will learn that I can't always do it myself, and letting someone help you is not only normal, but what people do.  We help each other, we let ourselves be helped, and we accept defeat, no matter how proud we may be.

So this is where I say it, and I am incredibly grateful to be able to say it.

Thank you.  Thank you to everyone that has helped me, thank you everyone that has offered help, even if I politely refused, thank you everyone that, wished me well, wished me luck, or even said hi and reconnected with me after all this happened.  To be honest, being as isolated as I have been these 4 weeks, gestures as small as a Facebook post or a simple Instagram like on my silly Simpson day-to-day updates have meant more than you will ever know.  I am getting better slowly. I am becoming my normal self slowly. And knowing that I have that support with every update, photo, and occasionally bummed out post means that I'm being supported the to the end, even if I'm not always ready to accept it.

I couldn't do this by myself if I tried, and I'm thankful for everyone who ignored me when I said I could.

-janeovison 

 

REPOST: Drunken soup for a cold winters night

THIS IS A REPOST!!

Since it's so damn cold in the city, and if you're not cold, you're probably sick AND cold, this soup seems to be extra comforting and soothes every ailment, ache or shivery quake you may have.  This recipe is also easily adjustable. The photo below is more like a stew because of he amount of rice I added. I suggest trying it as the recipe asks,then adjusting in the future.


So I've had a LOT of people asking for this recipe. Below is the official recipe. However, keep in mind that I've made this recipe so much that I just adjust it to my own liking. I call this my drunken soup because of the amount of
Alcohol I put in it!!

Have a look at it. Anything in brackets is what I do to it for my own enjoyment. Try the actual recipe and try my version. See which you like!



Sherry Wild Rice Soup

2tbsp butter
1tbsp-1/2 cup minced onion (I like to use red onion to give it more colour, but any regular onion works)
1/4 c flour
4-5 c chicken stock (I end up adding a cup more, just because I add so much rice)
1-2 c cooked wild rice (so I like my soup thick and lumpy. I end up adding close to 4 cups. Add as much as you want, depending on how thick you want your soup)
1/2 tsp salt
1c light cream (again, I add a bit more because of how much rice I add
1/4 c dry sherry (yea... I add a lot of booze. Between 1/4 and 1/3 of the bottle... If you like numbers, no more than 1/2-2/3c.It'll burn off, don't worry)
Parsley or chives, minced, for garnish  (optional... I've never used it)


Melt butter in a saucepan, add union and cook til golden. Blend in flour and stock, stirring constantly until thickened. (I never measure the flour. I just add it in as i go. If you think its too runny at the end, add flour at the end, but pre-make it in a pan with butter. Wen you add this pre-made mixture, itll bend in better!)

Stir in rice and salt and simmer 5 minutes (I like to add in any leftover rice water too, it helps
As a thickener. I also put in the rice SLIGHTLY undercooked. It'll finish cooking in the soup)

Blend in cream and sherry (LOTS OF SHERRY!) and simmer until well heated. (i like to let it simmer for 10-15min, keep stirring so it doesn't stick to the pan. Take it off the heat and let it cool to warm/room temperature if you're not sering it immediately, this will mature the flavour)

If you feel fancy, garnish with the parsley/chives when served.

If you find the flavour is bland, add more salt and add pepper but be very careful with the salt. If you find it's too strong, add some sugar. This will soften the bite.

Give it a try and let me know what you think!!

-janeovision

Monthly Tasks: Restaurant speed dating! (I have a wonderful relationship with food)

So last month was Restaurant month. I stepped out of my comfort zone and tried new spots and new foods I had yet to experience.  Here's a brief review of each one, nice and simple:

Hawker bar - amazing dumplings and chicken. Each cocktail is like an art of delicious mastery. I just wish there was a few veggies with my meal. Rice and meat is awesome, but I could've used something green to go with it

Sweet Lulu - you create your own Thai dish. I had no idea what I was doing, but I made mine with tofu, veggies, peanut sauce and basil leaves. Amazing flavour (but I was definitely nervous I made a mistake before I finally tasted it) the portions are obscene, in the best way possible. They have stuff for those with allergies, diet restrictions, and I think that includes gluten, vegan, and eggs.

Greek in the Village - sigh. It just wasn't the Ottawa-loved Greek on Wheels. Their take out sets the bar too high for everyone else. There was not enough colour or veggies in the meal, it looked thrown together and lazy. Someone bring me Greek on wheels to find comfort in.

Tacos el Asador - such a small little spot, with tiny communal benches and no AC, but so much deliciousness. I had the chicken and the fish tacos. They were fresh, soft, and not overwhelming or dull in flavour! Even their sodas (in snazzy glass bottles) made it feel like a nice little escape This will be a new haunt for sure. 

Pho Orchid - this was my first experience with Pho. I really don't know why I haven't done it before. I tried it on a rainy day and it was the perfection of comfort food. Broth, noodles, beef (veg available) noodles and alfalfa. Be careful of the surprise tripe in some dishes. 

Java Joe - They had great salads, but they somehow found a way to mess up a BLT. If you go, stick with salads. That's as exciting as its gonna get.

The Pump - only had an app, which was their bruschetta. I was fine enough, the bread was nice and the tomatoes were fresh, but it looked thrown together and messy.  As always, beer am it better.

Easy Brunch - amazing little spot with veg, vegan and gluten-free options. Their breakfast burrito was amazing and hot sauce was at the ready, which is exactly what every breakfast needs. Plus eating next to Steve McQueen posters makes everything taste that much better.

It was about time I tried some of these places. I tend to get into comfort-zones with my restaurants, so this months resolution was a necessity. I hope to try some new spots after this. If anyone wants a diner date, drop me a line, I would definitely be down for a new spot to try.

-janeovision

June Task: NXNE ADVENTURES!!

This month is my nxne goal.

My goal is to try to see shows I wouldn't usually see. Luckily, my work as an intern has me off to comedy, film, and a few in-stores this week. I'll post a bit when I can, but it should be a good week! If you're looking for stuff to check out, follow @nxne and myself @janeovision to see what's what and what's good this week!

Hope everyone has a great NXNE. Remember to eat, drink, and drink water before bed. NXNE is a struggle enough when you're on no sleep. Trying it hungover is no fun at all.

-janeovision

Rant: Gay is not the word you are looking for.

When I was in high school, I had a classmate confide in me. He was being bullied by some of the jocks at the school. They were teasing him, calling him names, harassing him in the halls.  We had agreed that simply ignoring them wasn't going to work, so, the clever teenager that I was, I suggested throwing it back at them and stand up to them.  I suggested phrases to cut them down a peg, clever one-liners to put them in there place.

"And if all else fails, just call them gay!"

The second I said this, I saw his reaction and regretted it.  His face fell, sank into the pain that he knew all too well, and immediately I had realized what I had done.  I was well aware that my friend was public about his sexuality and was not ashamed or trying to hide it.  But in that moment, I was smacked in the face with how deeply words can hurt.

In my high school, we all used words like 'gay' and 'retarded' in the painfully common negative context.  I even heard people using 'Jew' in a negative manner. I won't go into the grisly details, but I'm sure you can figure out what came out of the mouthes of babes.  And we were never corrected. I do not remember a single time in my high school career where I had a teacher correct or reprimand us.  The environment we were raised in turned a deaf ear.  It was not until that moment with my friend that the world I was growing up in was wrong.

There are several words that have been banned or considered inappropriate, racist, derogatory, or just plain bad. Words like 'gyp', the N-word, the C-word (depending who you're talking to) are just a few that are now rarely used in common language without full knowledge of the hate and anger behind it.  For some of our parents, they had to learn and retrain themselves not to say these words.  I myself had to do the same thing.  To this day, I still have moments where the wrong word will slip out. 

It's been over 10 years since that day I was set straight. 10 years where, in society, the idea of what homosexuality is, how common and normal and accepted it has become, and how it's not weird or creepy or scary, not dangerous or bad, it's just who they are. In my 10 years since this realization has occurred, I have met and become friends with many people, gay and straight, bi, trans, a-sexual and otherwise, and they have been just that: my friends. Their sexuality is their business and we simply respect and love each other as people, and what we do in our personal lives is what we do, and you can enjoy your life. I'll do what I want, you do what you want, just treat me as you would anyone else. I don't care if you're WHATEVER you are, I'll be more pissed off if you're a dick to me than whether you prefer peens over vajays.

All these things have happened. People are proud of who they are, they are being recognized by their government (albeit slowly... California, get your shit together!) and they can celebrate, not only on a pride day/week, but every day.

These things have happened. We have moved forward so much in 10-15 years... But we still use the word 'gay' as an insult?

In the past month or so, I've seen posts online, on various websites including my alma mater (which I will remain nameless. if you know me, you probably already know what school this is) with people DEFENDING their right to use the word 'gay'.  I'm sorry, what? You're defending these of a word that is insulting a group of people because you want to cut down your bro? And you think that's ok. You think because its 2013, we've all matured enough and that the use of that word is not insulting this community.  I have to ask you, and I'm being completely sincere when I say this: are you new?

What if I see you doing something stupid or acting erratic and I call you a 'popped collar douche bag'? Or you're chickening out of a dare and I yell 'don't be a blonde!' What if you're tired and want to stay in, and I ream you out, calling you a 'lame responsible adult'??* * *. Hell.  What if I use the N-word? That's been a long time since slavery, it's got to be ok now, right? After all, there aren't parts of the world where racism is rampant, with crosses being burned on lawns, and white-only proms are still common place.

Sigh.

Let me answer this question for you. I'll repeat it enough that maybe it'll burn into your underdeveloped brain:

No. No no no no. No no. No. NO NO NO. NO. No. No no no no no no no no no. Umm, yea no. No no. N no no. Yea, no. No, absolutely not. No way Jose, nein, niet. Non. Nay nay. No. Wrong. Not at all. Not even a little bit. Wy are you even thinking about it? The answer is no. No. No no no. Not in a million years, not if you paid me. Not in your life. Not in my life. Not on your mothers life. No. NO. Nope. No no no no no no. Why are you still thinking about it? i said no. No. No no no. No. Just no. Stop it, I said no. No. No no no, no no. No. No I said no. No. Nuh uh. No.  WHAT DID I JUST SAY? NO!!

I don't care 'how far we've come' or how much society has grown in the last 10, 15, 500 years. It is still not ok. People are still getting the shit kicked out of them because they are holding their partners hand while walking down the street. Innocent people are still getting stabbed and beaten to death at bars because they are being true to themselves. People still can't get married in certain parts of the world because they are not considered a 'legitimate couple' because a 'real marriage is between a man and a wife. Children are being disowned by their parents because they don't fit into their perfect mould. People are being hunted down and killed because they love who they love.

Being different in today's society is not easy. You have to be careful who you love, how you love, and who you tell. Those that have accepted themselves have to fight the entire world to be accepted. They face persecution, assault, legal issues and limitations on their freedom because they don't seem to fit in the mould of their environment.  Things have changed a lot, it's true, but it's not done. We still have a long way to go. We have to keep fighting for acceptance and freedoms for every person in the world. We have to push to change the minds of those who think otherwise.  We have to work to make it safe for everyone in society. Gay, straight, or otherwise.

When we use the word 'gay' to insult our pals, we don't help anything. By using this word as a negative, we are pushing the stereotype that this way of life is wrong or bad.  By using this word to insult people, we are simultaneously insulting our friends, our family, or maybe that kid who is scared to come out to his peers, because who he is is considered an insult on his own life.  Using the word 'gay' or 'faggot' is bullying that already nervous teenager and suggesting that their future is not future at all. Your choice of words hurts people. It could lead to someone getting bullied, battle with depression, or worse, your words could lead to the death of someone innocent because you made them feel worthless.

I don't care if you are straight, gay, or something else. This word belongs to no one but the people trying to put others down.  This word describes your emotions or your sexual orientation. It does not describe your jackass friend who won't take that last shot at the bar.

Whether its 2013 or 2525, the word 'gay' should not be used to put people down. It's wrong, it's inappropriate, and it makes you look like an ass hat. 

Kindly knock it off.

-janeovision

P.s.To my friend in drama class 12 years ago, I'm sorry. I was an ass hat. I'm trying to be better.

* * *let it be said that I know these insults are also not all that appropriate. I'm blonde, I'm sometimes lame and stay in on a Friday night, and sometimes my collar pops when I'm not paying attention.  It doesn't bother me when you call me these things, but it may offend others, so watch your damn mouth, jerk!* * *

Spring has sprung... And I'm becoming an adult?

It's May! It's spring! A time for fresh starts and new opportunities and fresh adventures.  I have completed my time at Humber college, I have passed everything (pretty decently I might add **cough**HUMBLEBRAG**cough**), I have made some great contacts in the industry  (April goal-CHECK!) and I'm on to new challenges.  I have started my internship at the City of Toronto, working on city events including Doors Open Toronto, Canada Day, and the big one, Nuit Blanche.  I'm also working with NXNE and social media, I'm back to work more, I'm training for a 5k in June, and I'm trying to get sewing and patterns ready for friends and possible business.

 I'm once again remembering far too late that I tend to take on too many things.   Since I've been done school and started on all these projects, I have had Rey little time to breathe.  It seems I had more time during hell week to eat and sleep than I do now!  I remember 2 weeks ago when I was so excited to get to the park and drink beer and hang with friends and have my wild bartending drunkard life back!  Up until 6 am! Drinking on rooftops! Partying in tiny apartments! Biking home at dawn!  Baseball games! Pool hopping!!! I identifiable bruises and scrapes!! Drunken bonding!! SUMMER!!!!

And yet, even though I'm already missing baseball and park hangs, and I still have yet to get my bike tuned up, I'm excited with the future ahead. I'm working on huge events and with amazing people.  People will see the work I've done. These projects aren't just for marks, but for life and for a successful end result.  Even my attempts at running a 5k are for some sort of success and goal in sight.  There will be times for bike rides and baseball, for drunken nights and infinite dance parties.  There just have to be a few sacrifices made, I have to pick my battles.

Oh shit. Is this me becoming a grown up? DOODIE! FARTS! PENIS! POGS AND COOL RANCH DORITOS!!

Phew. That's better.

I also have another goal this month: I have to try 2 new restaurants a week.  So far this has not worked out so well, but luckily there are tons of restaurants  around I can hopefully catch up quickly enough.

That's it for now. I have to go fulfill responsibilities and junk. I might watch Game of Thrones while I do it though.  Balance, people.

-janeovison

A moment.

Suddenly, her heart exploded into powder, a dust cloud over the earth, only to be ignored by the people below, unaware of her quiet demise.


- janeovision

Education Remixed: It all comes down to this.

Hello friends,

I'm sure some of you have been wondering why I've been somewhat AWOL for the past 8 months. 

I haven't been able to grab drinks.
I haven't been able to be as spontaneous.
I haven't been writing random plays.
I haven't been at work as much.
I haven't been belting it out at karaoke or dancing my pants off at the bar with you.

Well, that's because I've been up to something.

Since September, I've been at Humber getting my post-grad for Event management. I've been creating events, learning the ins and outs of the business, and trying not to kill/be killed by my teachers or fellow classmates.

This Friday it all comes to a head.

On Friday, April 5, my fellow classmates and I will be hosting the fundraising event Education Remixed, a charity event.We are raising money for the Remix Project, which helps educate marginalized youth in creative arts and business, as well as the Humber College scholarship.

We will have Ambassadors and graduates from the Remix Project, as well as Films recognized at the Toronto International Film Festival, Art, and DJ's directly from the project.  We will also have a Silent auction, with prozes from The Toronto Raptors, The Argos, SteamWhistle, Winery Tours, Restaurants and more.  We will also be offering food in our 'Cafeteria', which will include all the snacks you loved at lunchtime when you were in school.

My group has worked incredibly hard on this. After all of the chaos, forms, cold calls, emails, conversations, fights, running around, and sleepless nights, we are excited for this event to finally to come alive.

Tickets are only $20, which gets you music, food, art, entertainment, gets you dancing, gets you to meet people within the industry and those that have succeeded from these projects, as well as VIP from certain Toronto sports teams **HINT**HINT** and, above all gets you to make a difference.  This is an amazing way to kick off your weekend, support a great cause, and see what I've been up to all year.  Even if you can't make it, you can still donate to Education Remixed, and help push a youth's education further!

Hope to see you all there, even just to pop by and wish us luck! You've all been amazing and so supportive of my absence this year (and I do mean that in the best way possible) and I would love for you to see what I've been working on all year!

Cheers!

-janeovision

Monthly Tasks: March Failure... Well, sort of.

My first month task has been somewhat of a failure. I was hoping to have had 2 play plots, written out with scenes and ideas for new writing project. Unfortunately stupid life got in the way and I only have a few scribbled notes written of a coaster in the bottom of my bag.

Even when you have the best laid plans, life loves to get in the way. Being busy with school, work, and life has limited my time to do much else. Whatever, shit happens, move on. Try again.

Right now I have to get school out of the way and move forward. I'll still keep writing. Right now I need to focus on not killing myself or others around me. Hooray for crunch time. Hooray for life. I guess.

-janeovision

VEGUARY: a reflection on a meatless month

For the entire 28 days of February, from midnight day one until the morning of march first, I did something I never thought I would do: I went vegetarian.

I've had a lot of people ask this, and no, this was not done to lose weight or try to be healthy. I already eat pretty well and like my veggies. My weight did not change or fluctuate in any drastic way one way or another. So if you are going to try this, don't expect to drop all of that winter weight in time for bikini season.

For the entire month I followed a diet consisting of fruits, vegetables, grain and oats, and meat substitutes such as tofu, tvp, and other magical meat replacements in the vegetarian and vegan world. I ate no meat, no fish, and no animal byproducts, with the exception to eggs and dairy. I missed out on wing nights, Super Bowl Chili, bacon, caesars, and snacking on cheeseburgers and other delicious late night snacks.

It certainly wasn't an easy feat at initially: My first shift at work I had to work a Hockey game with half-price wings. I wanted them so bad and I was stuck eating a salad with dressing, starved. Working at a bar was a challenge in itself. Besides veggie burgers, fries and salads, I was left wanting a lot of the time. I had to get the help (an patience!) of my kitchen staff to find ways to feed me. They were awesome, but they are already pushing this month to be "Meat March" to make up for all the veggie mods I sent their way.

This challenge gave me a rude awakening of my "H-anger". Personally, if I don't eat, I get grumpy, tired and a less than pleasant person to be around. I had to have food ready to go, dining-out options available (and researched), and mini snacks at hand too keep my nom-rage at bay. As a omnivore, I forgot the nutrients and energy that meat easily gave to me. By taking that out, I had to not only keep myself fed, but also make sure I was keeping my energy and nutrients balanced to maintain my own sanity.

Once I got into the swing of things, it was incredible the options I found to keep myself fed. There are salads, soups, and amazing meals with fake meats and substitutes for the usual meals I would eat. I had fake chicken an waffles, fake steak, fish, burgers, and so many things that I not only LOVED, but also could easily mistake for the real thing. Restaurants like Hogtown Vegan and Clintons in Toronto have AMAZING veggie an vegan options.

A few things I found in the veggie world that I liked:
Tofu - seriously, it can be done and I kind of know how to cook it now
Almond milk - I had NO idea!! It even tastes good in my tea.
TVP - looks kind of like dense, soggy sourdough, but it can sate like ANYTHING!
Mock-aroni and Cheese - HOW IS THERE NO DAIRY??!??
Mock chicken - I think I may like it better than the real thing

There were a few things I didn't like, of course. I noticed a big use of turmeric, which I'm still trying to get a taste for. For example, I like tofu scrambled, but sometimes the flavour of that spice is too much for me. Also, even though I tried it, there is absolutely no substitution for Caesars. I tried a vegan one, and it just tasted like tomato juice in sheeps clothing.

What I found, after these 28 days, was it was only semi difficult to be vegetarian. I've found that now it's more difficult to eat meat again. Since I have completed this challenge,mi have eaten little to no meat. Any time I have tried to eat meat, it either upset my stomach, tasted boring, greasy, or gross, or I'd just rather have its veggie alter-ego. I did factor in the fact that my body had changed since I started this; I have to get my body used to the different proteins, flavours, and textures again. However, even after all that, I'd rather the substitute.

Except for bacon. That shit still rules.

In the end, I feel I have found a new respect for food. I completely forgot the magic and science that goes behind making food and the different flavours that can come up if you just try. I can't say that I'm going to stick to this diet, as I do still like to eat the occasional BLT, but I have definitely changed my palate and how I will be going about my diet.

Now on to the next month: play ideas. Let's see how that one goes.

-janeovision

Best Picture nominees: I was SO CLOSE!!

Tonight's the night everyone!!

Tonight the rich and bizarrely famous will airbrush on their best on-camera smiles and walk the carpet to see if they won a statue of a naked dude! ARE YOU EXCITED????

I had tried to watch every one of the Best Picture Nominees, as I try to do every year, and I was able to make it through 7 of the 9 films. Like the rest of the world, work school, and life in general got in the way. I was hoping to have reviewed everything, but I got close (I even had Life of Pi ready to watch on my laptop!), so I guess I can give myself an A for effort.

Lucky for you, I was able to find somewhat of a substitute. Below you will find Pie charts of the two films I was unable to see, Amour and Life of Pi. (please enjoy the puns while you look at the Pi pie chart too!) Have a look, and please note that these were probably made with a bit of tongue in cheek, maybe sarcasm, and most likely bias. That's what's so great about the internet. You never know what you're going to get. (Thanks to thisisnthappiness.com, where the charts were found. All of the films for Best Picture Nominee were done, and you can see them here)

Hope you liked my reviews, hope you enjoy the Oscars tonight too. I know I'll be watching with a bottle of wine and junior mints!


-janeovision

Movie Review: Zero Dark Thirty

First off, I have to say I'm a fan of Kathryn Bigelow and her work. I'm not a fan of war movies or pro America movies for that matter. I feel that a lot of Americans have enough confidence for the world over and do not need to be sped pro-war and pro-America nonsense. When I saw Bigelow's last film, The Hurt Locker, I found it was a refreshing look at the war and the people that are in it. It didn't shove a flag down your throat, but portrayed the soldiers as humans, affected by what they saw, so much they'd rather stay and protect their fellow soldiers than be back on home soil, safe and with family. It had an honesty to it that I hadn't seen in a while and had pushed me away from movies like this.

Zero Dark Thirty was a bigger challenge than Hurt Locker. Based on actual accounts and true events, and with it hitting so close to home with recent U.S. history, it's hard not to see the flags waving in the aisles. Bigelow was still able to keep it about the issue at hand, and not get too heavy-handed on the patriotism, but as the plot continue on, it was hard to stand that ground and I felt I had a flag being shoved down my throat when I wasn't looking.

Jessica Chastain was a powerhouse, bringing her oscar-game as usual. But It's the same old Oscar worthy performance. I'd love to see her switch it up somehow and play someone weak, and maybe not a leading role. I'd love to see her push someone else and support her fellow actors, as opposed to being the one on top. Yes, I know she was also in The Help, but that role did nothing for me anyways. I will say that my favourite moment was at the very end when she is on the plane, and in those final minutes before the credits roll, she is alone and she breaks down. She doesn't cry of relief or sadness, or even really a cry of release now that she is heading home. She just cries. She finally stops and takes a moment to what has been happening over the years, what she's gone through and what she's lost, and she just cries. I found that moment the highlight of her performance.

The biggest controversy about this film is the idea that they are glorifying and hollywood-ing the torture that happens to captors. There has been talk about them showing off the terrible things they do, or even being a little to 'nice' about it, showing it much tamer than it actually is. These scenes are something that have to be taken on VERY carefully by, not only the director, but the actors as well. I feel that Bigelow did it in a way that portrayed a glimmer of the reality of war in Iraq, but still not traumatizing the audiences so much that they walk out of the theatre before the movie even begins. With a scene as delicate as torture, you will never have anyone happy with it. I certainly wasn't comfortable watching it, but it had to be shown. It's done, let's move on.

This film was what it was. Good guy catching the bad guy. Good guys win, bad guys lose. Bigelow is becoming more and more of a name in Hollywood, but if she does another movie about the war, I just might give up on her. Please don't pull a Wes Anderson and get stuck in a niche*. I have high hopes and I don't like being disappointed.


-janeovision


* I think Wes Anderson's Last Film, Moonrise Kingdom does NOT fall under his niche I mentioned, same with Fantastic Mr Fox. But, although I like his movies (enough) his bit has gotten old.

Movie Review: Beasts of the Southern Wild. I ACTUALLY LIKE A CHILD ACTOR!!

Where's the guy that makes the tiny kid-sized oscars? 'Cuz HOLY CRAP WE NEED ONE.

I usually don't like child actors. Most of the time, the kids are so annoying and over-saturating the screen with their cutsie nonsense that i want to scream or cuff them up side the head. I hate kids coasting on their cutsieness and bullshit. The Santa Clause makes me cringe. The kids from It's a Wonderful Life piss me off. And I know I'll get some flack for this, but besides that kid with the pickle, The little rascals (especially the girls) hits a nerve. Unless the kid is well spoken or clever, or just acting like a little kid and kind of goofy, I can't stand it. This is why movies such as Home Alone, Stand by me, and some of the stuff that Dakota Fanning kid is in usually falls under the exceptions list. Most of the time, if the kid becomes famous for being cute, they are doomed to a failed career. Coasting on your cuteness is not the way to survive in Hollywood. I mean, have you seen Lindsay Lohan Lately?? Even Macauley Caulkan, who is one of those exceptions (though I was not a big Uncle Buck fan) is looking a little worse for wear.

Ok. Now that I have that out of the way, let's move on to this review.

I know that Quvenzhane Wallis is not going to win the Oscar. That's not how these awards work. Her performance, however, was definitely one I am happy was acknowledged by the various academies. In this role, I felt she wasn't made cute, she wasn't portrayed as a smarter-than-the-average-kiddo, she was a child. She lived with her dad as the world around her crumbled and her imagination ran with it. She wasn't trying to charm the audience or impress them, she was being the character: a kid.

Her performance was realistic and touching, as you saw her concept of the world through her eyes. The explanation to why her mum left; the oasis of living in the 'bathtub' of the south, away from the ugly city; the heartbeats of those around her; her fears and realizations when her dad goes missing. I can understand her reasoning to why she believes everything she is told, and can easily sympathize to very action and emotion that comes out of her. Based on her upbringing, she has little to compare anything to. When your dad is your world, how can anything he say be wrong?

I'd definitely say see this movie, but don't expect the usual movie with a kid in it. It's not a feel good movie, its not a movie that will necessarily rock your world, but I feel her performance and the movie as a whole will lift you in a way I can't exactly describe. It will affect you subtly, and it may take time to grow on you. If you didn't like it the first time, see it again, You may be thinking too hard.


-janeovision

Movie Review: Lincoln. I guess I should be honest...

I have been dreading watching this movie since the nominations came out. I personally am not a fan of historical films, specifically American history, politics, or war films. I've never seen Saving Private Ryan. I've resolved myself to say that I'm sure it's a good film, but I have absolutely no interest in seeing it. That's pretty much as fa as I'll go with anything of the like.

However, since I promised myself I would see all the best picture nominees, I sat myself down (or, I was briefly bedridden with strep) and watched it. It's not easy to review a movie you don't want to watch in the first place, but you do what you gotta do. My thoughts from here on out may seem somewhat blazze, but I stand by my previous statement about my thoughts on this genre.

My review is this: The acting was good. Daniel Day-Lewis made Lincoln look human and his connection with both soldiers and businessmen seemed kind and honest (see what I did there?!) Sally Field was Sally Field. She'll always be Momma Gump to me; charming and sharp as a tack. Tommy Lee Jones will forever look like grumpy cat. There were a few surprise cameos with Joseph Gordon Levitt and the guy that plays Adam from Girls. The story is simple, they vote, it passes (2 hours later! guh) Abe goes to the theatre. badda bing badda boom.

I wish I could say more, but I feel I'd be wasting both of our time. It's a historical political movie. He wants slave free. He gets it done. He gets shot in the theatre and he dies. I'm pretty sure I got this history lesson from a milk commercial when I was 10.

If you like this kind of stuff, go see it. Let me know what you thought. Im sure I'm missing something.

Or maybe I'll never like these movies. I'll always be an action movie girl.

Bloodsport, anyone?

-janeovison

Movie Review: Django Unchained

Oh Mr. Tarantino. How I enjoy your films.

I'm a big action movie fan. I love guns, car chases, shit blowing up, bad guys getting their comeuppance, and lots of blood splatter. My valentines day date included the premiere of the newest Die Hard movie. As suspected, it was TERRIBLE, but it still satiated me with everything I desire in that genre. Quentin Tarantino has a way of pushing a little harder and hitting every violent note I desire with a bloody hammer.

It's an interesting enough premise: A bounty killer acquires help from a slave to make his money killing wanted men in the south. It's bizarre and surprising how much of a natural Django is at shooting the second he wraps his hands around a pistol. He can even do the fancy holster stuff! I suppose that in the world of Tarantino, we just accept that a slave can read, speak eloquently and strongly, and shoot 10 men with ridiculous accuracy the second his shackles are off. Just like we have to assume that any pawn shop could have a BDSM set up in the basement, waiting for you to crash in. So I'll let it slide.

The acting was as you'd expect. Christophe Waltz, I have no idea where you cam from or how I never noticed you before Quentin got you that Oscar, but please keep doing what you're doing. You are so charming, villainous, eloquent and loveable, wrapped in a smile and commanding posture. You make these movies dance!

I was not a fan of Leonardo DiCaprio or Kerry Washington. I found that Leo was too naive and not at all clever or villainous enough for what I was used to. He seemed to be more decoration than anything else, flaunting his southern accent like a scarf in front of your nose and posing for the camera. Kerry was just whiny and screamed way too much. Granted, she was getting punished or threatened a lot of the time, but it just reminded me of the annoying chick from temple of doom that wouldn't shut up either. I was over it quickly.

The final scene was absolute perfection, with everything I love in an action . It tossed in a bit of cowboy flair and the cameo of Tarantino himself was a nice touch. I particularly liked the use of Tarantino's other muse, Samuel L. Jackson as the secondary villain, and Django bringing him down with his own rage and furious anger (teehee!) as the film reached its climax.

Overall, I definitely recommend this movie. It has Tarantino written all over it, eye squishing, guns blazing and all. As always, his films are not for the squeamish, but I'm sure you all knew that. I think I'll watch it a few more times. I need to get the taste of Die Hard out of my mouth anyways. This one is definitely a palate cleanser.

-janeovision

Ranting like it's my job...

I haven't done a rant in a while, but I've seen a few things through social media that have really pissed me off, so here comes a good old fashioned rant from yours truly.

I've had my time in school. I've spent 5 years completing my undergrad, and I'm currently working on my postgrad. Throughout this entire period, and even the space in between, I have held down at least one job consistently, working in retail or serving food and bevvys at the local watering hole. I have been able to pay my bills, feed myself, clothe myself, keep a roof over my head, and have a bit of fun on the side. I've had my parents support when things got rough, but overall, I have taken care and supported myself for close to 9 years.

Throughout this time, I have also been on the hunt for that "real" job. That job that supports me, pays my bills, allows me to live comfortably, and I can be proud of... Hang on. My job does that! I'm proud of where I work, and I'm proud of what I do. Granted, it's not what society accepts as a "real" job, but it does what I need it to do. It doesn't have optimal hours, I usually have no defined weekend, but it keeps me fed, clothed, and under a roof of my own. I'm happy with the work I've done, and I'm happy to be working with the people I'm around all day or night.

So, I have to ask, why is my job less than yours? I've had people talk down to me, do the "sympathy head-tilt" when I bring up my line of work. I get the 'So, this is just temporary, right?' or the "So what do you really want to do with your life" line. I will agree that, no, I don't want to be slinging beers for the rest of my life. I'm back in school for a reason and I plan on moving on to a different career path, perhaps one that is more secure, more stable, and hopefully more challenging (After 10 years in the hospitality industry, it's just second nature). But I don't understand how my job makes me less of a person than you.

I've seen and heard people put down people with jobs at McDonalds, the guy holding the Zellers sign, the bus drivers and the parking ticket officers. I'll admit, I've done it too, But these are still people that have jobs. They are still putting themselves out there to find work and keep that roof over their head. That being said, all of the jobs I mentioned above, tips aside, make nearly double the amount I make an hour! Just because they don't have an office or a desk, an expense account or a 5 or 6 figure salary, that does not make them pathetic, or lazy, or something to be mocked or looked down upon. They are working hard. They may not have had the same opportunities as others, but they still get the rent in on time.

If you have a job, I respect you. If you don't, but you're trying, and are of able mind and/or body, I respect you. Everyone deserves that respect. You are no less of a person because of the title on your business card or the label on your name tag.

One day I would like to have a more stable job. A job that pays more, offers more challenges, maybe has more opportunities, and offers me some kind of comfortable retirement. Until then, I'm Jane the bartender. Im fucking proud of my job. I'm fucking proud of your job too. And If I hear anyone talk down about anyones profession, I will politely correct you. If you continue to be an ass, well then, I'll just have to smack some sense into you. Open fist and all.

Rant ended.

-janeovision

Veguary

... It's here.

Help a girl out. Need inspiration to curb me from wings and bacon.

-janeovision

Movie review: ill keep it short...

PSYCHE!

 I'm not doing one of the best feature nominees this time. Instead I stumbled upon one of the best animated short noms. It is just lovely.

It was surprising, as it came from Disney and it WASN'T Pixar or heavy in the 3d animation. It's s bit of a throwback of 90's cartoons long before toy story and that lamp with the ball changed everything. The simple premise and charming love story pulls at the heart and takes you back to the simple stories of yonder, before they brought in ideas with video games and zombies with hearts of gold (even though I really want to see those movies or love those movies with my little cold heart)

It's a fun short with the romance of every little happenstance in life.  Take a look and let me know what you think!

-janeovision

Movie review: les miserables - musicals on film are hard!

Oh Les Miserables.

Let me put it out there that I was raised with musical theatre and I saw this show the first time when I was 7 years old, crying when Eponine died and muttering obscenities to Javert when he was being his usual dick-soldier self to Valjean. I was beaming like a little school girl when I found out it was being turned into a movie and cringing at the rumours of T-Swift being cast. I had a lot of emotional investment in this movie before it was even in post-production.

That being said, let's review this sucker!

Overall, this movie had a lot of issues. The vocals got worse as the film progressed, there was continuity issues with weather (this song talks mentions rain-QUICK! Cue the water!) and it seemed the casting was yet another Hollywood pull, casting the vocally inept Russell Crowe as Javert and little miss snow-white-wannabe Amanda Seyfried as Cosette. But they kept true to the story and the new concept of live singing throughout the entire film gave each song a new depth when they had close-ups and camera angles that are foreign to the theatre world. It was a smart choice for the director, as this musical is true to its name. EVERYTHING IS SUNG. there is no dialogue and then breaking into song and dance. It's not Moulin Rouge by any means. Having the live singing allowed for the actors connect with each song in a new way, and I fell in love with each song all over again.

... Unless it was Russell Crowe. seriously, dude. What the hell??

If you're a musical fan, I think you'll like this new take on it. You definitely have to overlook the bouts of bad singing, as well as Hugh Jackman's painful rendition of 'Bring Him Home' but the power was still there when you hear 'Do You Hear the People Sing?' as you get chills down your spine, and tears in your eyes in 'A Little Fall of Rain'. Plus the boy that played Gavroche was absolute perfection, bringing a little bit of the stage performance on the screen, creating a balance of film of theatre. You also have not keep in mind that this was created and meant for the stage. Putting any musical or play on film and making it work is a daunting task, regardless of the following or popularity. I've seen a lot of plays and musicals put into film, as well as the different variations, and all have pros and cons. You have to tread lightly.

I have to warn anyone that has never seen this play or has limited experiences watching musical theatre: this probably isn't your bag. I saw this movie twice, and both times I saw people walk out of the theatre halfway through. I cat inlay isn't for everyone, and you have to be prepared that people converse in song, think in song, yell, fight, and love in song. It's a musical. If you really want to see it but are novice to this little world, I suggest you check out this link and watch the entire anniversary special. If you can make it through that, you're set.

I must stop and comment on Anne Hathaway's performance. Ho-ley crap. Her rendition of Fantine's 'I Dreamed a Dream' blew me out of the water! In the scenes building up to this moment, she has lost her job, had her hair cut and her teeth pulled to make a little it of money to send to her ailing child, and she has hit that final blow where she stoops to prostitution to make money to keep her and her child alive.

This song is done in a single take. You see her entire thought process as she reaches that last haunting line of the song. Although she is a strong character, you see her break down and finally succumb to her fate. And you fall with her. Your heart bleeds for her when she whispers out, 'life has killed the dream I dreamed' and you both realize that she is never going to recover from this fall from grace. Her performance was heartfelt, painful, and so sincere to the many emotions the character was whirling around at the time. It broke my heart. And I loved it.

If you think she was just hamming it up, I think you really need to re-examine Fantine's character and what brought her to that moment. I've had many conversations about this performance and several people thinking that Hathaway took too many luxuries and drama-queened it up. I think you really don't know the character and the illusion of the theatre rendition has been so embedded in your mind, other portrayals seem like a betrayal of the character. Because it is filmed in such an intimate manner, the audience is able to see the rest of the emotions the stage limits. Musicals assume the song alone will out across the emotions. With film, there's a balance that needs to be found, and I think Anne Hathaway nailed it.

I could go on, but I won't. There's too much to be said and not enough attention span in the internet to bother trying.

-janeovision